Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind her back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness.There’s only one problem: she’s not sure she has the courage to do it alone. But once she discovers a website with a section called Suicide Partners, Aysel’s convinced she’s found her solution: a teen boy with the username FrozenRobot (aka Roman) who’s haunted by a family tragedy is looking for a partner.
Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each other’s broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together. Except that Roman may not be so easy to convince.
In My Heart and Other Black Holes, we have Aysel a sixteen year old girl who is struggling with depression. She has been plotting her death for a while, but she’s scared she’ll flake out the last second. So when she finds a website called Suicide Partners, and meets FrozenRobot (aka Roman), she decides to make a pact with him and become his suicide partner.
“I spend a lot of time wondering what dying feels like. What dying sounds like. If I’ll burst like those notes, let out my cries of pain, and then go silent forever.”
This book is beautifully written and while I expected it to be sad, it was also funny; thanks to Aysel, our sarcastic narrator who is filled with dark humor.
I loved Aysel. She was curious, snarky and you see so much growth in her character throughout the book (which I loved) and her obsession with physics was endearing as hell. I also liked Roman, even if it was a bit harder to connect with him, especially in the beginning. But despite this both characters were flawed and felt authentic.
I’ve never really been interested in physics. So I wasn’t sure if I was going to like the physics aspect of the book. I was really surprised and happy to find out it was one of my favorite things about the book, especially the part when they wonder what happens to us when we die.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about the energy of the universe. And if energy can’t be created or destroyed, only transferred, what do you think happens to people’s energy once they die?”
I know a lot of people aren’t fans of books that deal with mental illnesses, so if you’re thinking this book isn’t for you I hope you’ll reconsider and give this book a chance. This book is morbid but so hopeful and insightful, too. You should judge this book by its cover.
“I will be stronger than my sadness.”